Fuck appropriateness.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's shark week go big or go home
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
