i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
