I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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