I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
