I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
