someone threw a dead crab at me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
