just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
