i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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