Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
