You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
