She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
