Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
