actually, I'm a sock model
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
