you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
