I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
