Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
