R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
