Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
honey bunches of taint.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
