i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
