i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
