I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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