We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
