my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize