Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
