im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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