Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
