Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this beer tastes like vomit already
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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