I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
