I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want to make out with him forever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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