so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
