Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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