this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
