I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
