why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
