hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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