Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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