But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
