We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
