allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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