i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
