I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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