I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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