Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
