god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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