I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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