i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize