Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
