just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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