Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
