No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
