the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
