he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
