Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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