i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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