I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
