This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
