I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
