I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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