One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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