I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
