Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
