I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
