also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
