Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Damn victory sex feels great
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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