he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize