Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
