Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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