Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
