I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
