this boner is exhausting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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