This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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